Post by SAR01 on Jan 18, 2018 13:58:18 GMT -5
original post:
SAR01
Posts 39,789
IC
March 1st, 2016, 6:47 pm #1
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I don't honestly remember hearing much about boundaries until I was
in my late twenties. Even then, my memories of it are very vague and
generic. For some reason, I have this memory of people asking me about
my boundaries but not teaching me about them or how to implement
them.Webster's dictionary defines boundaries as: A point or limit that
indicates where two things become different.This seems so simple and
basic. I can remember thinking why do I need to define where you begin
and I end, we are different people.Shouldn't that be obvious?
As an empath boundaries have been crucial in my life.When I first
became aware of my empath abilities it was so overwhelming to me. I
remember feeling like I was constantly drowning in other people's
energy.At the time I was working in a residential substance abuse center
and it was a toxic nightmare for me.Just walking down the hall I would
be overcome with so much anger, jealousy, shame, guilt and regret. It
never occurred to me, that to experience these feelings as if they are
my own is intrusive.
Finally, a very wise woman came into my life. She began teaching me
about boundaries. She taught me crucial skills like "not looking at
other people's thoughts" and empowered me to set some very firm
boundaries around energy.One of my personal favorite boundaries is "I am
unwilling to absorb anyone else's energy.I want to be aware of it, but
I'm unwilling to absorb it."This boundary was such a huge paradigm shift
for me. Prior to enacting it, I was somewhat like a sailboat, just
floating whichever way the wind blew me.
Back in the very early 2000's I watched an Oprah episode that I kept
recorded on a VHS tape for the longest time. Regardless of your feelings
of Oprah, this is a very valid suggestion. She had a speaker talking
about boundaries. The suggestion was given that before you make any
commitment you respond with, "I need to check my schedule and get back
to you." This gives you an opportunity to figure out if you want to do
it, if you will enjoy doing it, and whether or not you are able to do
it.The key here is to respond back afterwards with an answer either way.
This one tool literally changed my life.Prior to this technique, I
committed to everything and I either didn't show up at all or I showed
up completely resentful.Neither response is particularly helpful or
healthy.
I talk with a lot of my clients about boundaries (both empath and non
empath a like) and typically ask them to complete the following
sentence prompts with around 12 completions{Which I also learned from
the Oprah Show}:
People may not ___________.
2. I have a right to ask for ____________.
3. To protect my time and energy, it's OK to _________________.
Whether you consider yourself an empath or Highly Sensitive Person, I
wanted to offer you some guidance in protecting your boundaries and
empowering you for success.My suggestions are as follows:
Eliminate the amount of negativity in your life: For me
this meant limiting interactions with certain people, no matter who they
were, and not watching the news anymore.Many times this also means I
won't watch war movies or movies that I perceive as being "dark". Balance: Getting enough sleep, hydrating your body,
nourishing your body, and enjoying your body are absolute needs. If you
sleep 20 hours a day, it's not going to be very long before you are
feeling exhausted and withdrawn. I recommend striving for balance in
every area. Gratitude: I am in love with using gratitude in my
life. I prefer to make gratitude lists using the format: I am grateful
for _________ because__________.Even if it's not accurate currently,
this sets the stage for it to occur. Schedule down time: Most empath's and highly
sensitive people I know need down time in the same way other humans need
air. It's crucial to our survival.This may sound like an exaggeration,
but it's very much a reality. Basically empaths are like energetic
sponges, constantly absorbing crap from everywhere."Is This Mine?": Dain Heer talks about asking your
body "is this mine" for every feeling, mood, thought, pain, interaction,
etc. I differ from what Dain says in what to do with it if it's not
yours. I prefer to send it to the earth to be transposed into positive.
(My concern with returning it back to the sender is that creates an
environment where an energetic pissing match can occur).De-cluttering: I suspect that a large part of the
reason I don't collect things (papers, books, junk, etc) and can never
conceive of being a hoarder is that I am keenly aware that negativity
breads in clutter. Don't get me wrong I'm not ever really a million
percent organized, but that doesn't stop me from trying. Don't be intrusive: When I was first developing my
abilities, I had some well-intentioned people around me. They were
always trying to tell me what I was feeling. Here is the disconnect, it
was through their own personal filter. As a result, it can never be
accurate. The quickest ways to shut an empath or highly sensitive person
down is to exude intrusiveness or judgment. Protection: This is a constant topic of
conversation in my Facebook group Inspired Empath. Here is my basic
premise on this one: everything is based on intent. So I don't care if
you spritz yourself with downy fabric softener, if you believe it will
keep you safe it absolutely will. Decision is 98% of the battle.Grounding: I literally ground about 25 times a day.
Some times, depending on the energy I have experienced or interacted
with, it may be a bit more. Grounding is such a huge tool for me because
it allows me to discard any excess energy that is not serving my
highest good. (Notice I'm not concerned where the energy originated, be
it with me or another person).
I have experienced countless clients in my psychotherapy practice who
were misdiagnosed with depression, when in actuality they were empaths.
I would love to hear from you about your experience about your
boundaries.
Inner Connections
God gets the Glory...He gave the Gift